The trials & tribulations of an injury

It is in times like these that I am very glad that I began my blog. Even though my posts vary in length and are not very consistent, it is comforting that when all else fails, I am able to write it all up and release some of what I'm feeling.

The past 2 months have been hard. Very hard. I would by lying if I said or pretended otherwise. Since my last post, I've been attending physio weekly. After, breaking down in major waterworks in my 2nd physio session to the question of how I had found class, and the week following my first physio session, Danni said that in her professional opinion,she did not want me taking class for "physical & emotional reasons" and that I was doing myself no favours by attending.This was very hard to take, even though I knew deep down that she was right.

The 2 classes I did take before being pulled were very painful. Not only did it become clear that there is no ballet step that does not involve the hips (unless it's just port de bras) but I was aware of the major limitations I had. Everything hurt, I felt unstable, and numerous times had to stop and pull out of an exercise due to pain. The whole experience of struggling with things that I would normally easily manage and having to hold back my constant feeling of wanting to cry, was draining.

 Since then there has been a power struggle of emotions and thoughts battling inside me. On okay days I have thoughts of "at least the studio wasn't open for 3 weeks anyway" or " at least I only missed lessons with a substitute teacher" (my usual teacher Andrea was away the last 3 lessons of the year). On these days, there is the usual stiffness and some bearable twinges and discomfort. On these days, I think about time after the injury. I read ballet magazines and smile. I remind myself that it's not a life-threatening illness and eventually things will be okay. On bad days I think of how 2 months of no class has lost me muscle strength, flexibility and who knows what else. I worry constantly about my skillset and whether it will return to where it was..and if not, how long it will take me to get back to where I was. On these days, I get upset over listening to ballet music, browsing the flagship Bloch store on York Street and cry. On these days, my hamstring has stiffened up more or my hip's giving me hell and I "mutter rude words about it under my breath". On these days physio stretches are harder. On these days, I am quiet and subdued at work anddesire nothing more than to be alone with my thoughts...


Treatment-wise, things have been okay. Initially (aka 1 week) after I was no longer allowed to go to ballet, I did full barre at home; however, afterwards I was very sore, so my physio has reduced me to just plies and tendus along with my physio exercises. I've had acupuncture on my hamstring twice, and lots of "kneeding" of my hip via elbow..yes it hurts like the dickens and I am such a baby. I also had sports tape applied to my glutes and hamstring and another time, around my hip. Sports tape is a godsend in my opinion...until it was removed! It is very neat stuff though and after having it wound tightly round my hips for 4 days it was decided just before christmas that I should be lent a hip brace to wear full-time (not sleeping). Initially awkward to wear and uncomfortable but it makes me feel more supported and stable in the hip. It doesn't  get rid of the pain but I feel better stability-wise wearing it..when it's off for the night, my hip feels "loose" and wobbly and small movements irritate it in a not-very good way..